I bet you're wondering how I am. I'll tell you. I've been spending my days trying to imitate the honking noise Pingu makes in the cartoon series of the same name. Through a dedicated practice regime of 10 hours a day, I now sound exactly like the bolshy penguin upstart.

I hope you've all been using your time as productively as me (although I find that very unlikely).


Anyway, I've made an impressive archaeological discovery. Read on.


First there was the HOLY GRAIL
 

Then there was the TURIN SHROUD

Now a discovery that will finally turn the world towards Christ.




THE SOCK JESUS USED TO MOP UP SPUNK AFTER HE'D HAD A WANK

Here it is.

 

It's a pretty incredible artifact, I think you'll agree.

Apparently, scientists have already carbon dated the sock, and it turns out it was manufactured in the early twenty-first century. This unfortunate result can be attributed to the work of Satan, who with his evil wang of love manipulates things to make myself and fellow christians' beliefs look stupid. To me, this garment clearly comes from 2000 years ago. Red socks were very popular back then.