NOAH'S COCK

God bless you!

I've been continuing my bible study and I've discovered many interesting things about the good book and how it is still utterly relevant to modern life. Take this gem from Deuteronomy 22:8, where the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE dispenses this sage advice -


When you build a new house, make a parapet around your roof so that you may not bring the guilt of bloodshed on your house if someone falls from the roof.

In accordance with this edict I'm now building a parapet on my roof, where I currently hold a number of small children against their will. When one of them plummets to their death to escape my sadistic cruelty, I can now have peace of mind that no blame will fall at my door (unlike the aforementioned children).

Being so moved by this passage, I've composed a prayer to thank the Lord for this indispensable piece of wisdom:

Our Father,
Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
We give thanks for the advice
On architectural add-ons.
And wait with keen interest
for more design tips
In the near future.
Cheers.


I've also found this passage in the Gospel of Jane. It shows Jesus of Nazareth's characteristic sense of fair play and ability to ask difficult questions.

The following day Jesus and the disciples were in Capernaum, a town in Galilee, where they were preparing for the evening meal. As mealtime approached, Jesus did ask his disciples a question:

'A man has two sons. To the first he gives 20 gold coins. To the second he gives 50 gold coins. Which son has the more money?'

The disciples answered, 'the second is richer, my Lord'.

'Wrong!' said Jesus. 'The third son is richer. He has a palace and a sports car.'

'But you didn't even mention him. How are we supposed to...'

'Shut up', said Jesus. 'Now, where's my fucking dinner?'


What a douche.