"CHRIST'S ANUS SWALLOWED ME WHOLE", SAYS BISHOP

Hey cockbags

Check out this piece of Scripture. It wasn't originally in the Bible, but I 'received' it in much the same way as the Prophet Muhammad 'received' the supposedly satanic verses. But instead of coming from Satan, I acquired this passage from a belligerent transsexual called Darren. He's a keen amateur bible enthusiast in his spare time away from arguing untenable conspiracy theories on the internet:


As Jesus entered Jerusalem, the Jews did confront him. They asked, 'rabbi, show us a sign that you're the Messiah'. And Jesus did rebuke the Jews, saying 'oh faithless generation. Your generation has no faith!' And the Jews replied, 'your last sentence was a bit redundant. It just repeated what you said in the previous one'. And then Jesus said, 'shut up!' (great comeback), 'I will show you who I am and my God-given powers'. And he looked up to heaven...

  And a shaft of light did appear,

And from that shaft of light something did descend,

Verily, it did descend until it rested at Jesus' side.

Then, Jesus did reveal its secrets.

In a loud clear voice,

Like the sound of an angel

He did say,

'Behold, the Ab-Blaster AD'.

'Get ripped in three weeks or your money back '

And the Jews were amazed, so they took 40 off his hands there and then.

And they went back to their homes to try them out

But at the end of three weeks the Jews had no six-pack

Verily they also suffered from lower back discomfort.

And they sought to stone Jesus for baring false witness about the Ab-Blaster AD,

And for lending support to unrealistic goals of bodily enhancement.

But Jesus had disappeared,

He had left no forwarding address

Although his followers said he would return any day now.