GAYLORDS IN SPACE

1977-1984

This suggestion for study is inspired by a French reality programme of the same name, in which prominent homosexuals were filmed for the edification of a rabid television audience. Interestingly, Michel Foucault and his "young friend" Jean Paul were the first to take part.  13 July 1977 saw the launch of space capsule Cockblast II carrying Foucault and friend and for the next 14 months viewers avidly tuned in every evening to share their fears, their worries and their horny rampant sex sessions.

As with today's reality programmes, producers would spice things up if things got a bit boring. These included weekly games where the pair could win greater privileges (better food, more comfortable beds, oxygen etc). Here are just a few:

1. Swan. Swans are released into the capsule. Foucault and Jean Paul have to shave as many as they can in 20 minutes. For every swan shaved, the pair receive a highlighter pen. It's not much of a prize, but they don't seem to mind.

2. Rusty Trombone Party. This sexual practice went under various other names, including “rusty tree penis", "rusty crap hammer" and "Willy Wonka Reacharound". It was the big ratings winner, with over 50 million watching one such event. It is also where we get the phrase "parping a tune on the rusty trombone", which is in common usage today.

3. Fart sex. Foucault and Jean Paul make love through the medium of their flatulence.

4. Docking Station. Jean Paul floats aimlessly around the capsule, wearing a special spacesuit with the bottom cut out. A naked blindfolded Foucault then has to locate Jean Paul and perform the tricky manoeuvre of achieving coitus. It's rather reminisant of the opening of 2001: A Space Odyssey, although instead of a satellite majestically pirouetting through space, it's a flailing bald Frenchman with an erection trying to locate his boyfriend's rear end. Nevertheless, it was still an intensely moving moment of TV history. I cried a great deal whilst watching the tape of it.

I feel Gaylords in Space was very much ahead of its time. TV could learn from it today.